sun and moon 3

The things that you can’t see are the most real, it’s all about what you feel. The trash we want to get rid of, we can’t give away. We wallow in it, and in the darkest corners of our minds, they grow stronger and find a place to stay, where the matter is gray. Today is a different day, but it’s all still the same. Is there a difference between self-doubt and self-harm? I feel like everyone can see my failures like a neon sign. I might as well have “useless” tattooed onto both of my arms. Things just aren’t right, and I have found that PTSD doesn’t always come from a physical fight. The doctors don’t help, but still, take my money for themselves. Smiling has become a pleasant memory, but those nerves seem to have lost all sensory. Everything that has happened to me, well, I blame myself. I talk to someone else, who makes my wallet lighter, but what do you do when the help doesn’t help? I understand that the past has passed, but the scars, well they last. They break me to mold me. They blind me, but it’s so beautiful when, once again, I am able to see. They break down my confidence so that I can build it back up even stronger. I finally realize that I have focused on the symptoms, so that I couldn’t face, and fix, the problem. It may take a long time, but if I don’t change, I’ll stay broken even longer. For what seems like forever, I would sit and ponder all that is, and I have done, wrong, and doubting what’s right, instead of what I could conquer if I decided to forgive and believe in myself. Negativity has always hurt, so, maybe, I should see if some positivity can help. It’s much easier said than done, but as long as I keep at it, I think this is a battle that I can win. After all, scars are tougher than skin. Today the sun wrapped its arms around me and whispered, “I appeared to see you.” In the evening I heard its voice say, “Things are about to get darker. Here’s my friend the moon, but don’t worry, I’ll come see you once again very soon.”


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