(My)Dear, Mom

You’re the only one who really knows me anymore.

Why is getting in the car scarier than getting in a wreck?

Why can’t I stop stacking up regrets?

I have to remember that even a leaning tower can stand for decades.

Even a dying kid can survive,

though I’m afraid that I’ll never live.

I put my emotions into these poems and songs,

It’s the only place I can be honest,

And talk about things like being an addict and stealing your oxy.

I wanted to escape, but did it at your expense, after you had already expended all

You had to give, making sure that I was okay.

You’re the only one who didn’t leave but stayed.

Even before that horrible day,

We were always close

You were and always be my best friend.

In the end, I’ll always blame myself for the stress that put you in that hospital bed.

If love was a medicine than you would be cured,

Because, I love you more than these words can express, or even get close.

I would never end my life, and it’s because of God and you.

I know that I would die, but you would die too.

The world is harsh and evil, and that’s a reason that you were made my mother for a purpose,

And you completed every single one,

There are people able to walk, because of you, and what you decided to do.

Then, you had your first son, and if there was a competition for the most blessed child,

I won.

My life’s not over until God decides I am done.

But, promise me that you will hang on until I can do something worthy of all of your hard work.

Let me help others because you saved me.

I look at myself and see junk, but you tell me I am worth so much, from your perspective.

It’s just hard for me to view, But I trust you.

I am happy to be a spitting image of you,

Hopefully, I can do something as great,

Always be honest, especially with myself.

I can’t say how thankful I am for you, and your help.

You won’t believe it because I, as an addict, asked for pills, but you’re my favorite person,

And still ten times better than any other mom could be for me.

I love you, Mom,

Zack

 

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