I have locked myself in solitude for far too long. I lost the key long ago. The guilt prevents any form of solace. I feel as if I was made to stand in the fire for all time, a fitting punishment for all of my crimes. Each moment of hatred is just more weight to drag behind. I’m looking for peace, but it’s just not easily found. I’m too low and it seems much to high to climb.
Sometimes, I get so low, sometimes my body feels as gravity is pulling me down farther than most, as the ghost of guilt follows close behind. Please, give me forgiveness, because I have made mistake after mistake, ignoring what’s important.
I’m blessed to have my health, but it’s worthless when I feel like I can’t stand, or be seen by anyone. Because of my condition, I feel that everyone is my superior, and most likely they are, but that’s someone else speaking in my ear, while another dries my tears and silently gives me the strength to believe that I am equal to anyone else. I can see the horrific past, but the future is something only You can view, maybe I have a purpose, yet I just want to rest. Maybe if I take my energy, and use it for positivity, things will change, but, it’s hard to be positive when you’re so depressed.
Sometimes, life beats you black and blue. I know it’s happened to all of you too. I am broken in seven pieces, and they’re all too sharp to pick up. So, I fall to my knees, with blood dripping from my closed hands, playing with shards like the glass was still sand, building a castle at the age of only four, but I am here, alone, on the floor.